The Truth of the Gatecrashers ! ;)

           The US has apparently termed Prime Minister Manmohan Singh’s visit to US as historic. Seems there has been some good “strategic discussion” about ‘allied efforts’ that shall lead to ‘long term co operation’. But none of the news channels bothered to have proper debates or any sort of discussions that would help us know what was exactly discussed.

              So we sent our No. 1 reporter – Kunachand Dozy (KD)– to interview some people who were actually inside the White House that time – Tareq Salahi(TS) and Michelle Salahi(MS) – or more infamously known as the ‘gatecrashers’ ;). KD sneaked on one night into their bedroom and since he was carrying expensive wine and champagne with him, they let him stay. Bottles open up –

Drink 1

KD: Hello sir, ….hey baby !!

TS: Hey Indian fella, what brings you here ?

KD: No reply- just staring at MS…

TS: Hey uuuu .. !..

KD: yes, sir , I was hoping to get a first hand information about what happened that night when you gatecra..

TS: We did not Gatecrash…!!!.. we were invited..

KD: Oh ya. Sorry, when you were invited to the White House.

MS: Oh it was an amazing night, we got all these snaps with everyone and look at us.. we are celebrities now..(looks really happy)

TS: Ahem..!

MS: Oh and ya…(super sad expressions) our lives are destroyed now . We were really invited.

Drink 2:

TS : You bloody media people, you misinterpret everything.!! you don’t have any moral sense and just blow up things for no reason..

KD: But what you did was not right na sir..

MS: Not right .. and what about what you guys do.. waste millions of hours of media time on air, critical news spaces and god knows how much money to report 2 people walking into the white house..

TS: Especially when your entire nation and US or for that matter most of the parts of the world should have been airing predictions and debates and information about the discussions going on.

KD: uh.. aah.. hhmm..

Drink 3:

MS: And look at us.. we are worldwide celebrities now.. and your PM’s visit, just got overshadowed by my one ramp walk down the white house.. haah !!

KD(may be thinking of doing some ethical journalism ;)) Actually, I have come to get a first hand feel about what talks took place inside, what were the discussions about.. was it about Pakistan ??

TS: haha.. why are you asking this to me..!! Kids in India would know that elite Pakistani institutions support the Taliban- something that the CIA is apparently discovering for years and reporting. Obama administration are still judging the reports results and devising strategy for the Af Pak mission. I don’t understand why you have to judge the reports of a country that is a synonym for failure.

MS: And I am sure even after everything , they will continue the ‘non-military’ aid to Pakistan and tell them’ “take this and don’t use it against India” ;)

Drink 4:

KD: (needless to say.. feeling really good as any Indian would feel after hearing words of wisdom about their neighbor ;))Wow.. how do you know so much about India, pak and stuff

TS: Because we don’t rely on or watch hopeless news channels which have crap aired by worthless reporters like you..

MS: Yeah, we directly crash in and see LIVE ! ;)

Drink 5 :

KD: Hhmm. And did they mention any allies stuff..

TS: Well you know, if I was responsible, I would have announced a big Indo-US ally and asked Pakistan to choose – Indo-US anti-terrorist ally or the Al Qaeda- Taliban ally. At least that would have made the visit ‘historic’ in the eyes of the world as well. And hopefully, no one would have had the time to lay their eyes on us ;). Nothing but just an announcement – something like the nuclear thing in the 2005 visit, would have created all the masala that you news guys need. Fir dekhte kaise pakistan ki phatti thi !

KD: Wow, you speak hindi !

TS: After 5 drinks, I speak hybrid of Hebrew and zulu as well !

Drink 6:

Wow.. but how was the dinner anyways..

MS: You will never learn will you.. you worthless reporter.. you should learn something from the Pakistani press, see how they must have shown your PM and the president shaking hands with the headlines “How our neighbor enemy is shaking hands with the democratic secular west(enemy 2) ”.. and how we need to get together and stop what they are going to do to the world. They wouldn’t even think of showing some gatecrashers walking in.. learn something.. !!

Drink 7:

KD passed out and doesn’t remember anything else.

Before coming back, KD also met another hot ‘news item’ of the week – Tiger Woods. Poor fellow. The media is slowly bringing up and tearing apart his personal life every single day. Being used the way it is.. Journalism isn’t turning out to be a too bad tool to turn villains into celebrities(Salahis) and celebrities into villains(Woods). At this pace, who knows, there might be a war going on in some part of the world and we would still be seeing some Richard - Shilpa kiss episode ;)

Egolution !

                When you are a little kid going to school and your partner takes a pencil from your pencil box and keeps it in his, what do you do ? You fight to get it back, get into a tiff and get punished when the teacher comes along.

Consolidated loss :  Both knell down for 1 hour in front of the class  – child ego.

                Then you grow up into a smart teenager, get your first bike, toil hard and get a lovelly girlfriend. Alls fine until the college bully starts hitting on her. You stand up to protect her, get into a tiff and fight it out.

Consolidated loss : A few broken bones and a week long detention – teenage ego.

                You pass your graduation, get a high flying job , churn out some good work, just to realize that your boss and the person sitting next to you gets all the credits and perks. You get into a tiff with your HR(those who don’t stay in a perpetual conflict with themselves), and give in or get out.

Consolidated loss : Your job and some internal peace – professional ego.

                You make some money, get married and buy a land for your new home, just to realize that after coming back to the place after 6 months, the neighbors’ newly built boundary walls encroach by 3 meters. You get into a tiff and take him to court and settle it out.

Consolidated loss : Huge pile of lawyer’s fees, peace of mind and slight amount of social humiliation - Common man ego

              You inherit one of the biggest businesses in the country from your father, become one of the richest person on earth and still you need the government to interfere and solve out an internal family MoU you signed with your brother. – God knows which Ego !

                You step into independence after huge amount of sacrifices, unshakable will power of great men and stand up tall for yourself and breathe a long sigh of freedom, just to realize that all your neighbors’ want to amputate some part of you for themselves. One asks for your head and the other for your arm. You have no choice but to get into a tiff. Your big father turns up and scolds your neighbors, asks them not to wish to steal again(While giving them chocolates toys(non-military aid for pak – ya right !). You give everything to protect yourself, be really good and not even eye the others hoping that your good karma will do justice to you eventually.

Consolidated loss  : Thousands of lives, disruption of international peace – international ego.

                Author Guru Charan Das has mentioned an amazing thing in his book - India Unbound : ‘When a father makes a mistake, the entire family suffers, but when a national leader makes a mistake, the entire generation suffers. ’

                We call small kids immature, undisciplined and stupid for fighting over petty erasers and pencils. What should we call the bigger evolved ones then ? Maybe, if we really wish to upgrade our scale of evolution, then we seriously need to downgrade our scale of ‘egolution’.